Not Yet Defined

{February 16, 2011}   Say It With Your Hands

If I’d known about this three months ago… I’d have posted it three months ago.


{November 4, 2010}   Letters I’ve Received Recently

I’ve been thinking about this entry for quite some time, and those of you who have been following the semi-painful adventures of moi in the dating world for the last few (read: 10+) years will no doubt enjoy a healthy appreciation of the following missives. I have to say, bittersweet though it is, I am rather enjoying the whole thing myself.

I am starting to get e-mails and messages, more and more often now, from exes who have realized they made a mistake. And it just. keeps. happening.

I could overlook one or two instances of this; in fact, as you’ll see, that’s how it started — as a trickle. But now we’re getting to the point where, if it keeps up, we’re going to need entire hands to count the women who have done this, so… I don’t know, you tell me: am I being vindicated here or what?

August 2006 – February 2009:

Yes, this went on for over two years: an ex I’ll call Misery sends me messages periodically, via e-mail and Myspace, asking why I’m still mad at her, and/or if there’s any chance of a reconciliation. After rebuffing her repeatedly, I finally resorted to threatening physical harm to newly-born domestic animals to put a stop to her advances. I didn’t keep any of the messages, but I haven’t heard from her since. And I didn’t have to hurt any puppies, either.

July 2009:

An ex I bloggingly refer to as The Girl Who Called — who had broken it off via e-mail the previous November — sends me the following e-mail:

Hi here how are you doing? I would like to say sorry for what I have done to you. I would still like you to be friends with me but if you feel like that you can’t then I understand. I feel so bad for what I have done to you. I hope that one day you can forgive me and we can be friend and talk once again. I really miss talking to you. This is all my fault and I am very sorry. So will you forgive me and call me sometime?
Well I said it would be just a little note so I will talk to you later.

I did not, for the record, reply. As I recall, she also left at least one voice mail that I didn’t answer, either.

January 2010:

Out of the everlovin’ blue, I receive another message, this time on Facebook, from The Girl Who Called, and it went like this:

I know you probably don’t want to talk to me but I would like to I’m very sorry for hurting you the way I did. I know that what I did was very wrong and not right. I would like to see you again that is if you would like to see me again. I have been thinking about you alot lately and I would like to talk to talk to you sometime. well I won’t keep you I know that you’re busy so I will talk you soon I hope. If you have lost my number it is (XXX)-xxx-xxxx.

Thanks for taking the time to read this that means a lot.

On this occasion, I did take the time to reply, but only because She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and I were still going relatively strong (or so I thought), and I was able to report that I was deliriously happy with my girlfriend of 14 months, at that time. The Girl Who Called wrote back to wish us well, and I have not heard from her again. Her Facebook page has since been deleted as well, whether that’s related or not.

August 2010:

A girlfriend from nearly 12 years ago, who I’ll call Elaine, sends me a note on Facebook filling me in on the latest goings-on in her life, and she includes this segment, which is possibly one of the nicest things anyone’s ever said to me:

Your appearance to ME is beyond marginal. I think you’re so damn cute because I know you personally and know how beautiful your entire heart and soul is. Your exact sense of humor is the kind that makes me laugh the hardest. You’re very witty and smart, and respectful of women. (Remind me to thank your mom and your sisters for that.) You are very kind too. I remember the huge bouquet of red roses, and all the times you treated me like a princess. So when I see your beautiful smile on facebook, I can’t help but think just how handsome you are.
So there.

October 2010:

Elaine writes another message on Facebook that reads, in part:

I miss you. I’d be snatching you up in a heart beat if I wasn’t already taken, a million miles away, and if you would still have me. Although it looks like you have plenty of options with the ladies these days. I see a cat fight brewing. Just as long as they treat you as wonderfully as you deserve. I love you.
Have an Awesome Day.

I have no trouble admitting that I am enjoying a certain perverse satisfaction from all this. Four years worth of intermittent communication from ex-girlfriends who have realized they probably should have tried a little harder in the first place — how could I feel otherwise? The years have gone on, they’ve experienced one disappointment after another, some of them are divorced — and some only wish they were. And they’re thinking about the past. As they do, my name eventually comes up, and they begin to remember how well I treated them until they decided I didn’t fit the CW model they had their hearts so set on in their early-to-mid 20s. Even though back then, it was the WB. Shush.

Am I thick enough to believe all my ex-girlfriends feel this way? Of course not. On the other side of that coin, though, I think it’s perfectly fair to ask: if I’ve got this many actually speaking up about it, how many more are thinking the same thing but keeping it to themselves? We just don’t know, obviously.

And so I’m left to wonder, then, about the state of mind of my current Attempted Girlfriend and where her head might be. Her last boyfriend is currently serving a four-year prison sentence for drug distribution; the one before that left her when he got a stripper pregnant. What, then, is so unattractive about me? Is it my four-year degree, my lack of criminal record, my respectful treatment of her, or all the shows, tours, parties, movies, and sporting events we enjoy together? Is it really possible that I can’t compete with a drug dealer sitting in a jail cell?

Time will tell, I suppose. As conceited as it may sound, I may one day be posting an e-mail or two from her as well.

{June 15, 2010}   Twitter

Am I the only one who thinks Twitter is simply an abomination?

I have a Twitter account, and there are a very few people I tried to follow on it, but I just can’t get into it. I cannot be the only one to realize that Twitter is the best (and worst) example of Western narcissism in the modern world. Facebook status updates aren’t enough; Myspace bulletins aren’t even close; e-mail’s ubiquity is utterly taken for granted… society simply demanded that we be able to send one-sentence (or less) updates to our — get this — “followers” on a moment-to-moment basis because we are just that important! And so are Ashton Kutcher and Kim Kardashian, dammit!

I might be a little old-fashioned for some people. I believe in grammar and sentences structure, I don’t sleep with anyone I’m not exclusive with, and I don’t think we need electronic hourly updates on peoples’ lives. I know I don’t need to be that wired, and I cringe to think about what life has become for the people who feel they do.

{June 14, 2010}   Random

I really want to do The Twilight Experience, but it appears to be sold out at my nearest theater, and I’m not sure I could convince Whitney to do that anyway. That’s nearly eight hours long.

If there were as many derby nights as there are baseball games in a year, I’d just be as happy as I could be. Next season, I need to find a way to get involved if I can.

Yahoo mail is being a bitch lately. My e-mails aren’t getting to people right away. WordPress is having publishing issues too, I’ve noticed, really starting with that gigantic thunderstorm the other night. Which must be coincidence, because that was a local thing.

I probably shouldn’t drink Monster. That is all.

{June 13, 2010}   Strawberry Cutthroat

It’s late, and I’m still on a high from derby, but I will leave you with this image from tonight’s all-star bouts.

The NW Arkansas Killbillies didn’t have a ghost of a chance against our national championship caliber team. And Strawberry Cutthroat had no business — no business — being on the Plan B team.

{June 12, 2010}   Another awesome derby night

Well, mostly. My voice is shot and I’m completely worn out, so you know it was a good night. I’ll write more about tonight’s derby experience when I get a chance (and some of the other ones I haven’t written about yet).

All I can say right now is that we won by a score of 359-21, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I understand that the outcome of an all-star game can affect the way teams are seeded in that year’s tournaments and so forth, but does the score itself have that same impact? And if not, why in the flyin’ hell did we need to run up the score and pound them by 338 points?

I will have much more later. Tracy’s coming over for dinner tomorrow night and I have much to do. 🙂

{June 11, 2010}  

Off to Worlds of Fun tonight with Whitney. Much housecleaning tomorrow, Derby tomorrow night for my dad’s birthday, and Tracy comes over for dinner on Sunday night.

I’ve had quite a few weekends like this lately… and they don’t show any signs of slowing down. 🙂

{June 10, 2010}   Midnight

… has snuck up on me yet again, and I still don’t have everything done around here that I’d like. Ah well… that’s what post-midnight is for, I suppose. 🙂

I have another full weekend ahead of me. Tomorrow night is Worlds of Fun with Whitney, Saturday night is Derby Night with my dad, and Sunday evening, Tracy is coming over and I’m making dinner. Somewhere in there, I’m going to have to help my folks move a gigantic deep-freeze from my grandma’s house to their house, and I certainly hope that’s on Saturday, because I don’t want to waste any prep time on Sunday doing crapola like that. I’m on a time frame, yo. Womens.

{June 8, 2010}   The News About Sitka

You may have seen the posts on Facebook last night and today about the possibility of me going to Alaska next month. Well, they’re all true. I got a call from the folks last night asking if I’d care to go on what amounted to an all-expenses paid cruise from Seattle to Alaska, with stops in Juneau, Sitka, Hubbard’s Glacier, Ketchikan, and Victoria, British Columbia, returning to Seattle on July 31st.

Of course, my first thought was that July 31st is Derby Night.

Well, today I put in a vacation request with the Damn Boss for the week of the cruise, and he approved it immediately. I am going. On a cruise. TO FUCKING ALASKA.

It includes, as I’ve mentioned, a stop in Sitka, the town featured in my favorite movie of 2009, The Proposal, making me an even bigger nerd than I ever imagined I could be. I’m excited about spending the day in a town that was mentioned many times in one of my favorite films, but only shown a scant few; most of the film was shot in Vancouver, Canada and Rockport, Massachusetts. What Sitka there is in the movie is only B-roll.

My other source of excitement, aside from the obvious, is that I’m told the ship will have wifi, which, if true, means you could be seeing updates and photos on here and on Facebook well before I ever get back.

I have never, ever gotten to do anything like this, and who knows, I may never again. I was apprehensive about going in the first place, but now I’m convinced. GOD WANTS ME ON THAT CRUISE SHIP. It only makes sense.

{June 7, 2010}   Random

I have gotten more sun in the last seven days than I probably have in the last year.

I have missed baseball, but my real jones is for derby.

I need to learn to cook on a charcoal grill.

I have traveled more and taken more vacation time in the last two years than in the last decade. 2010 appears to be no exception.

We had no spring again this year. It very nearly went straight from winter to summer.

I haven’t been this socially active in years. I can hardly find a free evening to get anything done, and you know something… I’m all right with that.

et cetera